Time to Rethink Our Double Standards
There is a country saying… “There is something about that old boy I don’t like about myself.”
It always makes me smile because watching someone be outraged at a total stranger’s behaviour can, at times, say more about the person than they actually want to give away.
We’ve had decades of hearing things about celebrities and sporting figures that tarnish their shine. Granted, it is always a surprise to hear something that feels out of character for someone you thought you knew, and here is the crucial bit: you don’t know them.
You have seen interviews with them, you have watched them kick a ball, you love a song they sing that they may or may not have written themselves, and you feel like they are someone you admire. You admire an image of this tiny part of their life, crafted for public view.
Don’t you do that? Do you behave the same way at work with a client that you do when you get home and kick off your shoes and realise your teenager has destroyed what was your perfect kitchen by using every pan you own to make pancakes and has not cleaned their room for the 17th day in a row? You are still the same person, just in a different mood and situation.
Maybe we need to take some responsibility here. In most cases, they didn’t ask for this. Just because they happen to be really good at playing guitar or can score a goal better than anyone on the planet doesn’t mean they are asking to be anyone's role model. They don’t give up the right to be human, have a bad day, or make a mistake.
I feel like we cancel public figures for things that we know and forgive our friends for. To be clear, I’m not talking about illegal things; I’m talking about private things that would be considered a character flaw if they hadn’t been made public on TMZ or in every gossip magazine.
Dave Grohl is a perfect example. The Foo Fighters front man recently put out this statement:
"I've recently become the father of a new baby daughter, born outside of my marriage. I plan to be a loving and supportive parent to her. I love my wife and my children, and I am doing everything I can to regain their trust and earn their forgiveness. We're grateful for your consideration toward all the children involved as we move forward together."
Every second post I saw was someone looking into the camera and talking about him being the worst human being on earth, saying things like “once a cheater, always a cheater” and asking “why we are making excuses for bad male behaviour.”
I’m not even sure where to start.
Firstly, you are using a stranger’s marital trouble to get likes online, which I find opportunistic and a bit gross. I grant you that some people, men and women, pathologically cheat, and in my own personal life, I feel like you should either try and fix the relationship or you should get out. I have broken up with people after being cheated on because I knew I would never get past it and would bring it up in every argument we ever had, but once a cheater, always a cheater, implies that you don’t believe humans are capable of growth.
According to Sexual Health Australia, most estimates indicate that around 60% of men and 45% of women report being unfaithful inside their marriage. Unless you are planning on cancelling half your married friends, then there is someone in your life who has had an affair. They may have decided it was a mistake; it may have blown up their life, but either way, you ranting about Dave Grohl online ensures you will never hear that story from them because, based on your outrage, you find it unforgivable.
We tell our kids to be honest, to step up and take responsibility. Moving forward, what would you have him do? Being a father to the baby is what a good guy would do. We don’t get to be more virtuous online than we are in real life. At least let’s try and be consistent.
