On Tour With the Kid | The Lost Art
I was a fan of The Wonder Years when I was a kid. It seemed like the perfect snapshot of middle-class suburban life in the late 1960s and early 1970s. There was the occasional interruption of real-life adult problems, with the Vietnam War raging in the background, but mostly it was sweet innocent teenage problems. With landlines and snail mail the only form of contact, it also meant if you were a kid and your parents moved, even to the next town, you highly likely lost touch with your friends. The last time you saw them was a tearful goodbye out the back window of an old Ford with no air conditioning.
Thankfully with the advent of technology, that has changed. The kid's best friend has moved to two different states since they were at school together, and as I write this, I can hear his big booming voice coming through the iPad because they have been able to stay connected. It really is a beautiful thing.
Certainly, during Covid lockdowns, that technology was the one thing that kept people sane. We were all so thankful to be able to see other human faces and have a conversation with anyone outside the four walls we were all stuck in. However, as things have slowly but surely returned to normal, I wonder if we have all become too comfortable with being connected without the actual connection.
I have a friend who is a prolific serial dater. She is on all the apps, and to keep me entertained, she often sends me highlights of the profiles she comes across and initial conversations with what can only be described as the worst communicators on earth. Don't get me wrong, you can't expect Keats-like prose from everyone, but the occasional complete sentence would be a start.
I know the quality people crave most is honesty –a sign of emotional intelligence. So when my friend calls me to tell me she matched with someone whose profile reads something like "no single mums", you could almost think that it's good that they know they are not good around children and are transparent about that (so that you know). But that feeling goes out the window when it's followed up with the line "because if you are not good enough for the guy that knocked you up what makes you think I want you."
On the one hand, I guess you should be thankful that they are a red flag just flapping around in the breeze, and you don't have to waste your time getting to know them before finding out they are the worse human on the planet. But on the other hand….what the hell!
Don't even get me started on the unsolicited photos of anatomy. Inside an established relationship with boundaries and trust, that could be considered fun and flirty. But when you have yet to exchange a hello, it's creepy. I laugh to myself because the internet, which in some instances can bring so much joy, has also made us lazy. Can you imagine sitting at a coffee shop waiting to meet someone, and they arrive with their pants off? No. Just NO.
I have also seen friends, male and female, come out of relationships with partners who thought their own needs were all that mattered. In that case, the question needs to be asked, why the hell are you in a relationship? If you want someone just there to serve you, pay a personal assistant and leave the poor bugger looking for an actual connection alone.
Communication and seeing others as fully formed human beings seem to be lost arts. Without putting in any effort, it has made everything black and white with the only two options yes or next. The joy is in the grey area.
